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Tuesday, May 8th, 2007
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1:25 pm
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School
So finals are over, well they have been over for me since Thursday, and I couldn't be happier. This semester was so rough on my grades I'm feeling really down as I look on WebCT at my final averages. By rough I mean I am getting a C this semester along with an A, B, and B-. No fun at all, but I'm almost finished with my undergrad, I'll graduate in December, and I'm looking forward to continuing in graduate school. I'm not sure if I will get my masters at GSU or if I will look into attending a seminary. I've got till December to put in my applications for Fall 08 so I have plenty of time to figure it out. I could always apply to both and see what happens. I'm taking classes during summer semester, and I'll only have two left to take this Fall. I'm very ready to be finished with school, well at least my undergrad, and moving towards doing the work that I have been longing to do for so long.
Work
Work is an interesting situation right now. I have worked this school year as a nanny for a 9 month old baby boy, and I have truly enjoyed it. Now his mom is able to get her work done while he naps, and probably isn't going to need me anymore. :( So I'll be looking for a new job most likely as a nanny. High dollar tax free income to play with children all day. I have nothing to complain about.
Family
Well, that's a whole different story. My brother is undergoing a bone marrow transplant this summer, and I am the donor. This is the reason that I am not going to be able to graduate this summer. I am leaving Monday to go and donate my stem cells to him so he can have a functioning immune system. I'll be missing a week of Maymester so I won't be able to get in the credit hours I need to be able to graduate this summer. My brother? He is tiring to live with. He is so miserable with his life, and he has been taking it out on the family. It hurts so much to see the way he treats my parents and the way he treats me. It is so hard to continue to fight for the relationship and not write him off as a lost cause. God has never written me off, so I will continue to pray for him and love on him.
Personal
Things with Kevin and I have never been better. Our relationship is in a solid place, and I am so happy. We have overcome so many obstacles in our relationship, but now we are strong and our relationship is pure. I am going to miss my small group this summer. Erika and Loren are going to Southeast Asia to be missionaries for 5 weeks, Ansley and Merrideth are going to Africa for 2 weeks to do missions work and I'm not really sure what Jo is doing. I'll miss them so much while they are gone, but I am so excited for the opportunity that each one of them have to serve God and take His gospel to unreached people. Kevin is leaving to go on a mission trip to Estonia a week after my birthday. He is lucky to be alive after his wreck two weeks ago. He was hit on the driver's side door by a drunk driver who ran a light at 10:00 AM. Kevin was on his way to church, and on the phone with me while I was in North Carolina, and I heard everything. I have never been so scared in my life, and I am so thankful that he is alright. He walked away with a few scratches, a large bruise on his shoulder, and a sprained thumb. On a lighter note my birthday is coming up in less than a month!! I'm looking forward to this one as it promises to be infinitely better than the last couple I have had. All in all life is good and I am enjoying having the house to myself for three months!! Did I mention that? Oh yeah, Mom, Dad and Bryan moved to North Carolina, Duke University Hospital, for three months during the most critical part of the transplant. They won't be back till August, so I'm home alone till August!!! I'm so excited!
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| Friday, September 30th, 2005
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7:46 pm
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Well it has been quite sometime, and I have been informed that I need to update this thing. Things are pretty normal around here. Just doing the school thing and the work thing. The BSU had Fall Conference last weekend in Jekyll and it was a blast. I had so much fun with everyone just hanging out and playing football and riding in the car with my girls. To top off a fantastic weekend Kevin, my amazingly wonderful and romantic boyfriend, completely suprised me that weekend. He originally wasn't able to go on the trip ( he had already graduated and all the guy rooms were filled), but Friday night when I got to the Conference Center Kevin was there waiting for me!! I was shocked. It turned out that a guy dropped out at the last minute and he was able to fill it!!! He's the best ever. I have all A's in school right now... yay!!! Let's see if it stays that way after my psych stats test on Monday. I have a new job. I am a nanny for a family in Buckhead. They have two little boys Carter and Will. I only work a few days a week, but the pay is fantastic and it covers my gas and new found *$ habbit. Basicly life is amazing and I'm so thankful for how much God has blessed me. I love you so much Kevin.
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| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
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11:21 pm
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01. Who are you?
02. Are we friends?
03. When and how did we meet?
04. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
05. Describe me in one word.
06. What was your first impression upon meeting me?
07. Do you still think that way about me now?
08. What reminds you of me?
09. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. How well do you WANT to know me?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
13. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?
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| Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
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11:17 pm - Long time gone...
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It has been quite some time since I have posted on this site. Life is crazy busy right now with school, BSU, and Kevin. Don't get me wrong I love every minute of it, but I just wish I had time to breathe. Family is doing ok, but my brother has been having some issues with health, and prayer for him would be much appreciated. It feels weird because I honestly don't know what to put on here since it has been so long. Tech won on Saturday so that was A-mazing!!! And to top it off UGA lost to Tennessee!!! It was an amazing day for me watching football with the boyfriend and just relaxing. I think that was the first time since this school year has begun that I have had the chance to do nothing all day. It was wonderful. We have a puppy now. His name is Elton, my brother named it, and he is a three and a half month old maxican rat dog. Soo much fun. Life is taking some unexpected turns and I can't wait for them. If anyone doesn't know I have surrendered to my calling into ministry through counseling. God has taken complete control over my life and things haven't been easy since then, but they have been blessed. Take Kevin for example. He has been such a huge blessing in my life and such a huge encouragement to me. He is the most amazing man that I have ever met in my entire life. I'm so excited about where our relationship is going. I hope that everything is as awesome in you all's life as it is in mine. Peace out!!
current mood:  giddy
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| Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
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1:50 am
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I'm very tired of being tempted so often. It gets so hard to say no, even though I know it is the right thing to do. I just need a little bit of encouragment right now. Everyone does every now and then.
current mood:  drained
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| Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
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12:13 am
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"Fly away, fly away, let me find my wings. Let me be the girl I want to be." ~Lucy form Jekyll and Hyde.
It's decided. I'm going to live my life like there's no tomorrow. I'm so sick of having each day be dull, and then thinking it would be a shame if it was my last. There is so much that I have been called to do and I am looking forwards to running after Christ everyday. I'm not so sure what brought this about. I had a revalation while walking down the streets of Atlanta today. I've been lazy. I've been foolish, and I have definatly been stupid. And I'm so sick and tired of that. Each day is a gift and we should use it like it is one. I walk down these streets every day and I see people screaming out for God and His word. I sit and rail and rant that programs for the homeless are ineffective and useless and not good enough, but what have I done to help put the problem. Sure I go and help out on Sunday mornings, but that isn't enough. I'm so sick and tired of walking these streets everyday and seeing the plight that there is around me. On good days I smile and say hi and try to show them a little bit of Jesus. On bad days I wear sunglasses so no one bothers me and so I don't have to look them in the eye. And I feel so guilty about that. I can't just ignore what is going on right under my nose. I cannot continue to walk down these streets and look these people in the eye and do nothing. So they ask for money, so they smell bad, so they get on my nerves sometimes, but all that is irrelavent because they are God's children just as much as I am.
My soul and my heart breaks because I have been far from my savior, my God, my Abba. The joy in my life has been dulled by my lack of involvment with His word. I haven't been salty, and I haven't been bright for the rest of the world. I've been wallowing in self-pity and on the brink of despair with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile!! But that smile doesn't cover the hurt and the reason for the hurt. I can tell such a difference in my life when I am doing my part and when I am not. God is still faithfull even when I am faithless. And it is that lack of faith that causes me to doubt and for God to gently, or not to gently, remind me that He is in control and that He has it all under control. He sees the big picture, and in my finite view I can only complain about the present.
I'm so fickle. I seem to have little consistancy, and I wonder how on Earth God will, or could, use a pathetic person like me to serve Him on the mission field this summer. I have no gifts and no talents to offer Him. I often wonder if they made a mistake giving me an appointment. I'm so unworthy of this honor and oppertunity. My day to day living has much to be desired, and my desires are no good. I wonder why oh why God? Why? And sometimes He tells me, and others He tells me to wait. I'm so excited about tomorrow and about the day after that and the one after that, so on and so forth, yet I'm so afraid of failure. I know it happens and that it will happen. I suppose it is hard for me to accept grace and mercy every now and then. I don't know. God has a plan for me, and I'm just frustrated that I can't always see what it is.
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| Sunday, April 4th, 2004
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7:46 pm
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Wow I haven't updated this thing in so long. College is going well for me this year. This summer I am going to be a missionary to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. I'll be gone all summer, and I can't wait. I even turn 19 in Canada because we leave on my birthday. That's exciting. I'm not really sure if anyone reads this thing anymore. I hardly think anyone still checks anxious to see it I have posted anything new. Honestly I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I suppose it's a change from Xanga where everyone and their mom reads it.
I read my little biography on here today. I laughed. I was still a senior in high school and I had a "wonderful boyfriend Tim...". Wow a lot sure has changed. Right now I'm a little vulnerable, and a little nervous. I'll have the answer soon. Anyway hope everyone else is doing great!
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Switchfoot~ On Fire
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| Saturday, November 29th, 2003
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11:53 pm
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| Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
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12:32 pm
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It's the wrong time, and the wrong place. Though your face is charming it's the wrong face. It's not his face... but such a charming face. That it's alright with me.
It's the wrong game, with the wrong chips. Though your lips are tempting their the wrong lips. They're not his lips, but such tempting lips that it's alright with me.
Great song, horrible musical, but still a great song.
current mood:  lethargic
current music: Wrong Time from High Society
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| Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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2:47 pm
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| Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
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12:37 am
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On Distant Shores
~Five Iron Frenzy
I have been scarred so deep by life and cold despair,
and brittle bones were broken far beyond repair.
I have leveled lies so deep,
the truth may never find.
And inside my faithless heart,
I stole things never mine.
If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor,
Dear Father I will see you there on distant shores.
I have toiled for countless years and ever felt the cost,
and I've been burned by this world's cold,
like leaves beneath the frost.
On my kness I crawled to You,
bleeding myself dry.
But the price of life is more,
than I could ever buy.
If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor,
Dear Father I will see You there on distant shores.
And off of the blocks, I was headstrong and proud.
At the front of the line for the card-carrying, highbrowed.
With both eyes fastened tight, yet unscarred from the fight.
Running at full tilt, my sword pulled from its hilt.
Its funny how these things can slip away, our frail deeds, the last will wave good-bye.
Its funny the hope will bleed away, the citadels we build and fortify.
Good-bye. Night came and I broke my stride,
I swallowed hard, but never cried.
When grace was easy to forget,
I'd denounce the hypocrites,
casting first stones, killing my own.
You would unscale my blind eyes,
and I stood battered, but more wise,
fighting to accelerate,
shaking free from crippling weight.
With resilience unsurpassed,
I clawed my to You at last.
And on my knees,
I wept at Your feet,
I finally believed,
that You stilled loved me.
Healing hands
of God have mercy on our unclean sould
once again.
Jesus Christ,
Light of the World,
burning bright
within our hearts forever.
Freedom means
love without condition,
without beginning or and end.
Here's my heart,
Let it be forever Yours,
only You can make every new day seem so new.
I have come to realize that I have drifted a distance away from God. And that things I once held in such a high place so that they won't become dirty have fallen. Tonight has been a rather painful night of realization for me. I need time away frome everything and everyone to get closer to the one thing that is the most important to every one, God. I need time to clear my head and get my priorities back in order. I need time to myself to figure some things out. So to anyone I ignore and don't really talk to for awhile I am sorry but this is something I have to do for me to be ok. I will be back just not right away.
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| Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
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12:04 am
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I have noticed that whenever my relationship with God starts to waiver that I feel really distant from Tim. Our relationship suffers a bit because my relationship with God suffers. It is the same with Tim I think. I have really been slacking off in my devotions for about a week and I can tell a major difference in my attitude and all when I am not close to God. And it is hard sometimes to find time to get in His word, but it makes all the difference. I realized that I was drifting and thankfully I caught myself before it became to bad. Other than that not much has been going on in my life.
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| Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
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11:26 pm - INCEPT is the craftmanship of the devil....
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Orientation at GSU sucked majorly. At least I had a really nice guy named Alex as my Inceptor type person. Plus I picked up my panther card and registered for classes for next year. And yes I am taking morning classes because I plan to work in the evening or afternoons! It is the smart thing to do because that leaves time to study. See I know myself I wouldn't get up early in the AM to study but I will get up for a class. I also got a lot of info on the BSU, Dance Ensemble, GSU Players, and the choral groups at GSU so hopefully that will work out for the best. I also had to take the math placement test and while I was taking it it crashed in the middle of my test..... so guess who had to start all over.... oh yeah that was me. But I scored a lot higher than I though that I would so that was encouraging. Now all the advisors are telling me to take a higher math but I kept telling them no math just isn't my thing... unlike some people I know who got a 5 on their AP Calc exam... I won't name names.... you know who you are... Tim. Anyway I have to work tomorrow so I can make money and go to college. I work 5-close so come see me and leave a nice tip in my jar. Thanks!
current mood:  devious
current music: Total Eclipse of the Heart~ Bonnie Tyler(She rocks my world)
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| Sunday, July 27th, 2003
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11:39 pm
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Life right now is good for me. I am working a whole lot but I still manage to have some kicks in between. I went to the Jenny Owens and Caedmen's Call concert with Tim and some of his friends last night. I suppose it was for our seven month anniversary or something. The concert was decent and I had a good time. I had to work on a Sunday which didn't make me too happy but oh well. After I got off I met my dad and my brother to see a movie. Pirates of the Carribean is such an awesome movie!!! This is the second time I have seen it. Anyway I think tomorrow night I am going to go to a concert with the bible study kids in Atlanta.
My work schedule for next week is as follows: Monday~ Off, Tuesday~ 7-close, Wednesday~ 5-close, Thursday~ 5-close, Friday~ Off, Saturday~ 1-7, Sunday~ 5-close. Crazy I know but ehh it is money in the bank for college.
current mood:  crazy
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| Saturday, July 26th, 2003
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1:16 am
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Lets just say that things have improved a lot since the last time that I posted. Don't ask me what happened because frankly it is none of your business. Other than that I feel like nothing is really changing in my life. I am just kinda at a stand still right now. I guess nothing is really going to change untill I move out and go to college, which can't come soon enough for me. The only exciting thing right now is that tomorrow is Tim and my 7 month anniversary. Eight has been the longest for me so this will be intresting. Tim has been so wonderful all these months... and I hope there are many many more!
current mood:  curious
current music: Somebody's Eyes~ Footloose Soundtrack
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| Thursday, July 24th, 2003
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11:19 am
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Right now I feel raw. I feel red. I feel drained. I feel tired. I feel confused. I feel sore. I feel sick. I feel disappointed. I feel wet. I feel pain. I feel hurt. I feel sad. I feel achy from the heat and water and the scraping. But I still feel hope...
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1:28 am
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| Monday, July 21st, 2003
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3:45 pm
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I work almost every single day of the week this week. The good news is that Tim is comming home on Tuesday and I get to see him ALL DAY on Wednesday. I miss him so much right now and I can't wait for him to get back.
I have bible study tonight and I am going to be giving my testimony so pray for me you guys.
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| Saturday, July 19th, 2003
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1:55 pm
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| Thursday, July 17th, 2003
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9:03 pm
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My parents and I got into an argument over college last night. Basically they need to butt out and let me handle things for MY college. Not theirs MINE. Anyway today I went down to GSU and picked up some info on registration and deadlines and such. And James I am going to do INCEPT on the 6th of August. When we got home I went over to my aunt Wanda's house and helped her out with Cassy and David for awhile. Tomorrow I have to work and then I have the feast that night so it should be a lot of fun.
Tim is in Tennessee till Tuesday or Wednesday... :*(
current mood:  sad
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heatherflower85's journal
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